Two new members of a hunting lodge get introduced to its oldest member. They ask him to tell his favorite hunting story, and he agrees.
“Well, back in 1944 in Africa,” the old man starts, “we went big-game hunting. Didn’t have much luck at first, but on the third day I was resting by a tree when I heard a noise. Next thing I know the biggest lion I’ve ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this…RO-A-A-R-R-R! Well, I just shit my pants.”
The young men are amazed. One of them says, “I don’t blame you. I’d crap my pants too if a lion jumped at me like that!”
The old man shakes his head and says, “No, no, not then—just now when I said roar!”
And one of my own:
So this pirate walks into a bar looking really pissed off.
The bartender looks down at him and notices that he has a steering mast stuck on the end of his dick.
So he says to the pirate, "Hey, you know you have a steering mast stuck on the end of your dick?"
And the pirate says, "Yeah, arrr, its been driving me nuts."